I woke up this morning at a little before 3:00 A.M., and just couldn't get back to sleep even though I'd taken a mild sleeping pill before going to bed. My mind was going wild with all kinds of thoughts about the outcome of my upcoming heart valve replacement surgery on the 13th May, just five days from now. At times, I was excited at the real prospect of getting my energy and life back.
Then the negative thoughts would pan across my mind in vivid Technicolor. What if something goes wrong? What if I have a stroke? I saw myself floating above the operating table, listening to the Doctor saying, "time of death 2:15 P.M." (Too much Grey's Anatomy I think!). I felt myself leaving my loved ones and friends. They were sad and crying and so was I.
Then, I would take the optimistic position, and remind myself that I would probably come through just fine. I have a terrific, experienced surgeon, who specializes in valve replacement surgery. The mortality rate is only 2.4%. I'm a good candidate with few risk factors, etc.
This sort of back and forth thinking went on for more than a couple hours. Finally, I got up, went to the computer and re-read parts of Adam Pick's book, The Patient's Guide To Heart Valve Surgery.
Honestly, just reading about some of the 78 different successful heart valve replacement patients' stories calmed me down so that I could appreciate the birds, the spectacular views of the Sandia Mountains, and our cool refreshing NM wind. It wasn't long before I was thinking about the day ahead and how grateful I am for all that surrounds me.
Adam's book emphasizes that heart valve replacement surgery isn't the end of the world, but rather the beginning of a new energetic life. It's pretty funny in places too. He got shaved from the neck down in preparation for his surgery!
Time for my afternoon siesta!
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